I started writing a way-too-long blog about the difference between “saddle sores” (noun) and “saddle sore” (adjective). (Short answer: you want to read about it even less than I want to write about it.)
But it got me started thinking about bag balm which is what I use instead of chamois cream, at about 1/1000th the cost.
And that got me thinking about all the weird little rituals and products other Serious Cyclists (especially Cat5 racers like me) do, that I just Do Not Get. I like to think of these things as sympathetic magic that low-cat racers practice, probably because it’s What the Pros Do.
I don’t do What the Pros Do. I am much lazier.
|What the Pros Do||Paul’s Lazy Substitute|
|chamois cream||bag balm|
|pre-race trainer warmup||riding your bike to the race|
|winter indoor training||riding your bike in the snow|
|razor-smooth legs||two-week-old stubble|
|compression socks||no socks|
|orthopedic shoe inserts||Odor-Eaters|
|$200 multi-lens wrapparound sunglasses||squinting|
|CO2 air pump||tennis elbow|
|iPod||wind in your ears|
|compressed gel padding||HTFU|
|Sports bar||frozen waffles|
|High glucose gel||jellybeans|
|Demitasse of espresso||Paper cup of Swedish Gasoline|
|“Performance” sports drink||water|
|“Recovery” sports drink||beer|
|postride ice bath||beer|
Although it bears saying: if it works for you (and/or you enjoy it): more power to you! Also: I have never won a race, ever.