Epithets occasionally hurled at me by people in cars during my commute

Published 2012-03-01

While I’m on my bike, obviously.

Idiot, moron:
I suppose this is all relative, isn’t it? It’s true: I don’t remember anything at all from high school calculus. OTOH I have observed in non-traffic-related interactions that stupidity is a little like farts: s/he who smelt it, dealt it. C+

Dork, nerd, freak, hippie:
All true! Well played, sir or madam, well played. A+

Oh that’s just cute. My bike has brakes and gears. See also: Idiot, moron. D+

This one always makes me wonder: “how has this random person seen my bank statement?” But I also think: “have you seen my wife? Seriously. Damn.” C-

Faggot, gay:
Perhaps the most frequently yelled, usually at high speed from a vehicle with poor engine muffling. Crisply juvenile and a little bit retro. Technically inaccurate but I can’t reckon how to demonstrate otherwise in heavy traffic. It’s hard for me to get riled about this one: “ah, you are insinuating I am romantically attracted to other men. And this is an insult how, exactly?” D-

“Well, you are what you eat!” (wockawocka rimshot) F

A couple of high school kids gave me this one today on my way to work. On the Sylvan overpass, no less. Seriously? What part of riding my bike thirteen miles in the snow 1000' over a hill is “weak?” This is simply unacceptably inaccurate. You kids study hard and come back with something a little better tomorrow. Incomplete.